Deflated

That big, important meeting I mentioned that I had last Monday was a job interview. As much as I tried to downplay it, I was encouraged. I left feeling that it had gone really well, and I got my hopes up. I got the standard form rejection email Friday afternoon that I didn't get the job. And honestly, it wasn't my dream job. But it had a lot of potential. There were growth opportunities. And it would pay the bills. The hours would be long, but it would alleviate a lot of the stress that we have right now. So, the rest of Friday was rough and yesterday I binged on (wayyyy too many) donuts. (Not that I ate alone. C certainly ate his share.)

Now today, I have to brush myself off and keep moving forward. I'm in a much better headspace than the girl who burned herself cooking Minute Rice Friday night. It's time to get back up on the application horse and see what else happens. The law of large numbers has to take effect at some point, right?

Oh What a Week

My routine has been thrown in the toilet. I need to get it back before I lose my mind. I'm going to push to organize my life as much possible again, but with any luck, my schedule will drastically change in the next week or so. *Fingers crossed*

Much of last week was spent working to pick up the apartment and get it ready for my parents to arrive Thursday. Thursday morning, C had a later shift, so we went to the gym together. When we got back I baked and took care of some last minute cleaning. By the time my parents got here, C was at work. They took me grocery shopping and stocked us well (!) before heading back to the apartment to hang out for a bit. The four of us went out to dinner to celebrate both my and C's birthdays with Hibachi.

Friday my parents and I went shopping (ok, mom and I shopped while my stepdad wandered the mall and drank coffee on a bench) while C was at work. Our lunch was ColdStone and our dinner was homemade chimichangas and Spanish rice. Sorry I don't have pictures of any of that; we were too busy going way over our calorie limits for the day to take pictures. I did, however, manage to squeeze in a quick workout before my parents picked me up in the morning.

Saturday was another hectic day, at least in the morning. We both got up early and made ourselves pretty. After a quick stop at the store to pick up a hanging plant for my mom, we met up with my parents for an early Mother's Day/farewell breakfast. - Quick note about the hanging plant. Since my early college years, I've been buying my mom a hanging plant for Mother's Day to hang on the porch. My stepdad also buys her one in early summer. His always dies midsummer. Mine traditionally makes it through to fall. I have to keep buying the plants.

Anyway, after breakfast, my parents headed north and C and I went to my alma mater's graduation. I'm only two years out, so I had a few friends graduating, including my senior year roommate. It was an emotional roller coaster. There's nothing like realizing that I was in their position two years ago to cue the introspection. I also was moved to tears when the student speaker spoke. She was also a member of the Forensic Speech team while I was on it and in the years after when I came back to help coach and judge at tournaments. She joined my senior year, quiet and nervous and new. She dove in and learned quickly. She kicked ass. And then when she spoke at that podium under the tent, the pride over how much she's grown was overwhelming. She did a beautiful job. When I saw our coach after the ceremony, he completely agreed. Unfortunately, when I went to congratulate her, the sky opened up and it began to pour, so we had to cut things short. Luckily, she was the last person I needed to track down. By the time we back to the car we were soaked. My dress was completely clinging to my body in a way that leaves nothing to the imagination - and that was with an umbrella.

Sunday was pretty chill but filled with laundry. Monday I had a very important meeting that will have a big influence on the next chapter. Nothing is finalized yet. We shall see what happens. In the meantime, I have to wait and try not to stress-eat too much. I'm also going to try to get into a routine and work on posting a little more regularly so I don't end up with such huge posts and then cut myself short.

All in all, I had a good, if exhausting, long weekend, but I really need to get myself back on a schedule. I'm so lost without it.

Getting Back in the Groove

Good intentions have a way of getting the best of me. Of course, that is no reason to quit trying. Blogging, being healthy, taking care of myself -they all have slipped and struggled over the last eight months. Now, it's time for a clean slate. 

As far as getting back into blogging is concerned, I might as well get started. I actually scheduled this post to go live on my birthday at the time of my birth. I'm sure there's some sort of symbolism there. (Really, that's about 6.5 hours from the time I'm writing this so it's not like I scheduled a huge delay.)

C and I have settled into a routine, life has changed, and we've adapted our routine to fit it. In fact, things are going so well, that this happened in September. 

We're giving ourselves lots of time to plan since we want to go back to our hometown to get married. So, June 7, 2014 is the day we take the next big step. It seems so far away, but hopefully it will go fast.

I mentioned when I last posted ages ago that I had taken a job at a call center. It turned out to be very damaging. I had two chronic health issues dramatically escalate and started having panic attacks at work. Eventually, I made the decision to leave after just over a year. I'm still unemployed (and searching), but C still has income coming in and I had been able to build up some savings, so I'm OK for now. I'm still working to see that leaving this job is not necessarily failure on my part, just the inevitable result of a horrible fit. Square peg, meet round hole.

In my new-found free time, I've gotten more "domesticated". I've always enjoyed cooking and baking, but now I'm experimenting more and not restricting myself to quick and easy. Obviously quick and easy has a place, but slow and not too complicated can be so wonderful as well. 

All three of those meals (and more) came out of a kitchen so small that the oven door is about 2-3 inches away from the front of the washer when it's open, and is only about 6-8 feet long. So I don't want to hear your excuses about having a crappy kitchen.

Confession: I'm an emotional eater. The last few months have taken a toll on the scale. I bought my wedding dress in November (didn't intend to, it just happened), so I need to make sure I still fit in it a year from now. If I keep doing what I was doing, that's just not going to happen. The holidays happened and then stress got worse and, well, it wasn't pretty. To the tune of gaining back the 8 pounds I lost last summer/fall and then an extra 10. C and I have made a renewed effort to go to the gym and eat better (I'm in charge of getting veggies into us and we're both watching portions). I have the C25K app on my phone and I'm doing well so far. We're both using MyFitnessPal to keep track of what we're eating in relation to the exercise we're doing. I want to stick with this to form new habits, because when I am logging food, I think twice before I eat something to consider whether or not I actually want to admit to eating it. It helps me to put the junk down. I need to do that. But, it's also nice to look at the numbers and see that a little something sweet won't ruin the day or week.

So this is where I am. I'm working with what is and striving for what I want to be. Maybe I can make the two meet in the middle.