Pack Up and Go?

I had a quick chat tonight with a friend from college to catch up. We haven't talked much in a while. She mentioned that she's leaving in a month for grad school in Ireland. This is an amazing opportunity for her - a grad program that aligns with her interests in a country she absolutely loves that's less expensive than staying in her native city. I'm happy for her, I really am. But at the same time, I'm insanely jealous.

We're both the same age, but she's in a position where she can pack up and move overseas for a year. I, however, can't. I'm being hit with the sudden realization that I can't just pick up and go; decisions have to be made as a unit now considering both of our futures, hopes, dreams, and finances. Don't get me wrong, I love C and can't wait to start a life with him. I've never been much of a free spirit or one to do things on impulse. But knowing that's not really an option anymore is leading to a bit of a freak out. We're both open to relocating if it makes sense down the road, but unilateral decisions are out.

I know I'll be OK in time, but I need to know- Am I crazy for thinking this? Has anyone else had this kind of pre-wedding freak out?

When You Need a Friend

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I've been going full steam ahead on wedding planning lately, even working on things that can't actually be "done" yet (like seating charts and table numbers) so that when the time comes, I have the basic thing done and just need to make a few tweaks. Even though we're about 11 months out, we have a venue, two ministers, a dj, cake, florist, my dress, bridesmaids dresses, my shoes, my veil, and our wedding website is waiting in the wings for people to see when our save the dates go out. I'm doing all this now knowing that while unemployed, I couldn't spend all of my time looking for work, but that in a few weeks I'll be working full time, and then in August I'll be back in school part-time too, right up until a month before the wedding.

For the most part, I'm doing this on my own. Don't get me wrong, C will contribute to decisions if he has an opinion, and he will tell me if what I'm doing looks nice or not, and my mom is handling a bunch of logistics since we're getting married in our hometown which is 350 miles from where we live now, but when I'm copying addresses over or tying to figure out how to make things fit and look good in the process, it's me on the couch with my laptop (and maybe a beverage).

Let's be honest. I don't make friends easily. I do have a couple good friends, but I don't get to see them often. Only one of my close friends/bridesmaid K lives in the area, and our schedules often conflict. I got a chance to see her at our city's 4th of July festival, which was great, but while there found out she won't be able to go to a bridal show with me in a couple weeks like we had planned. In the grand scheme of things, I know it shouldn't be a huge deal. She has a work trip, we're both adults, things happen. But I don't really get to feel like a "bride" very much. My mom, FMIL, and FSIL went to a bridal show a couple months ago and had a great time without me, since I couldn't drive 6 hours each way for the afternoon. Even shopping for bridesmaids' dresses was fun but the saleswoman just stood there looking bored and the three of us ran the appointment by ourselves. I was the one zipping them in and out of dresses. We did that with each other in college, but going into a bridal store I expected interaction from the person trying to sell me something. I had bought my dress there as well and had a much better experience. I don't mean to sound like a spoiled brat, but I just want to feel special once in a while.

A lot of these feelings were brought to the surface by this post on A Practical Wedding. July's theme over there is Friendship. I love APW, and certainly agree that friendship and marriage are two things that need to be discussed relative to each other. But the level of appreciation and support that were expressed in that thread were hard to read. Intellectually, I know my girls love me, but it's hard when you're separated by hundreds of miles and crazy schedules. I'm not sure what the next 11 months will bring. I know everyone plans on being there for a couple days leading up to the wedding and that R feels bad about not being able to be around more. In the meantime, I'm not sure how to "fix" what I'm feeling.

Catching Up

Alright, alright, I know I've been away for far too long. Life has been ... life. It's swung between awesome and frustrating and crazy and awesome. The frustrating part can be summed up pretty quick - no new updates on the job search. Otherwise, there have been two pretty crazy/awesome weekends back to back.

Last weekend C and I took a wild and crazy roadtrip up to visit our families for Memorial Day weekend. We left bright and super early Saturday morning to drive the six hours up to Northern New York. We met up with my parents at the nursing home where my grandmother lives for a visit before heading to C's parents to settle in (yup, I stayed there for the first time, not as awkward as I feared), then had dinner with both of our parents at the restaurant of the hotel where we will be having our reception. Bad news: there was not a single item in common between the catering menu and the dinner menu. Good news: the food was delicious and the chef cooking that night also does the special events. C and I finished out the night playing cards with his parents. It was a mostly relaxed way to spend time with them without the pressure of feeling that we needed to have "conversation".

Sunday morning C and I went to church with my parents, hoping to have a few minutes to talk to the minister after the service, since she will be one of the two ministers marrying us. (That's a story for another day). Turns out, she was on her post-Easter/Pentecost vacation. We can't really blame her, it just sucks that we couldn't see her on one of the rare occasions we were there, but that's what Skype is for. For the rest of the day, (no really, from like 1-8ish) we went to C's grandparents's house for a family gathering. I got to get more familiar with some of his cousins that I had only met once before, and his grandmother and I get along great, so it was pretty good for the most part. We've been together for about 5 and a half years, so I'm not exactly new to the family, but I'm not really one of them yet either. We're getting there.

Monday morning we all lost track of time, so the crazy really jumped out. I finished packing and loaded most of our bags into the car while C was still showering, but with all of our efficiency, we still missed the parade due to a mix-up with the time. We got to the end of the parade route 10 minutes after the parade started, just in time to catch the ceremony. From there, we raced to my parents' house to help set up for their annual Memorial Day picnic. C's parents and siblings got to meet most of my extended family and we all ate way too much, and then we got back in the car to drive back home. Thanks to construction (because leaving an interstate down to one lane on a holiday weekend is a good idea), it took just over 7 hours, so the unpacking just had to wait until the next day. All in all, it was a good trip, just not one I'd want to make every weekend!

So this weekend (the week was nothing special - job apps, laundry, the usual) C had to go out of town, but instead of having the apartment to myself, my MOH/friend from college R who I haven't seen a good 2-3 years came out to visit. We text and Skype and FB all the time, but it was awesome to just hang out and catch up. And, since she has been feeling like a professional bridesmaid lately, she was SO MUCH HELP. She's signed on to be the mom/crazy aunt buffer, leaving my two other bridesmaids and one of my aunts to wrangle my truly out of control cousin and aunt. (Kid's fourteen and hit my mom last summer because she squished a bug on the picnic table. Her mama did nothing. Out. Of. Control.) Since my bridesmaid K lives here too, the three of us went bridesmaid dress shopping and had success. I didn't have a huge vision beyond the color so I gave the three of them a lot of leeway (L provided input ahead of time). Basically, I feel like they're the ones that have to wear them and they have been dressing themselves for a couple decades now, so as long as I don't hate it, we're good. I really like what we've ended up with. It's not what I expected, but it makes perfect sense for June, especially for a church with no air conditioning. R and K hit it off awesomely. After finishing up our shopping we grabbed dinner and hung out for a few hours. Also this weekend, I designed our save the dates (just need C to approve them - but R, K and I love them), and found a basket hanging out in our apartment that will work well for holding the programs. Ok, the programs don't exist yet, but we can't make those until the ceremony is written. We have a year still. I'm not freaking out yet, just accomplishing as much as possible.